


Poisons That Open Your Eyes

by easilydistractedbyfanfic



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: But not exactly, Cussing, Don't Try This At Home, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fuck Or Die, Gosh I Love Tropes, I'm manipulating science, Mildly Dubious Consent, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Starts Canon Compliant Then Veers Off Course, but only because of circumstances, it's smut but with communication okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 01:27:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16398779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easilydistractedbyfanfic/pseuds/easilydistractedbyfanfic
Summary: Takes place during & after 2x09 "Remember Me". What if Murphy went back to the Village with the others after Finn's massacre?“Are you sure about this?” he asks her, his voice gruffer than he intends.She stares back at him, faint shadows from the flickering fire reflecting through the thin wall of the tent to reveal her eyes that always see too much, and she unexpectedly laughs. “Am I sure about this? No, I’m not sure about this at all. But it seems like a better idea than the alternative, so… here we are.” She lifts one shoulder in a careless shrug, and the blanket slips down a little across her chest, drawing his gaze unintentionally.He pushes his hand through his hair and feels the full weight of what he’s supposed to do now that she seems somewhat… receptive, anyway, if not exactly enthusiastic. Although he wasn’t expecting that and he knows it’s unfair for him to wish for it, just a little. “Do you, uh, do you want to make any rules about this, before…?” He trails off into silence, hoping she can interpret what he means.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still writing my long WIP, but I was doing a rewatch of some of S2 in order to answer a character question for that story, and this idea occurred to me. I'm still new enough at this not to really have a writing process, but I do know that it's a lot easier to write the story that takes up the most space in my head, so this kind of jumped to the front of the line. I think it'll only be 2 chapters though. In case it's not obvious, I love this pairing.
> 
> Title is based on the quote below. I own nothing but my own imagination, and owe all thanks to the characters for inspiring me.

**_There are poisons that blind you, and poisons that open your eyes. ~ August Strindberg_ **

 

“I don’t see why you need to come back with us,” Raven mutters contemptuously. “I don’t even know why you bothered to come at all.”

 

Murphy grips his pack tighter on his shoulder and just barely manages to bite his tongue. “You’re starting to repeat yourself, Raven. That village didn’t exactly hold fond memories for me, either, and you’re not the only one who wanted to leave it. I’m not sticking around with the others, so you’re just gonna have to put up with me.”

 

Abby Griffin turns around and gives a hard stare at the two bickering members of the small travel party. “Enough! The two of you have been trading insults since we left the Trikru village, and we’re still in the boundaries of their territory. We’ve got a two day hike ahead of us back to Camp Jaha, and you’re both going to have to control yourselves. Raven, let me know if you need a rest or if your abdomen starts to bleed through your bandage. Otherwise, let’s just all try some silence for a while.”

 

Raven gives a terse nod to Abby in response, but once Abby turns back to speak softly with Kane, Raven can’t resist a harsh glare in Murphy’s direction. To her annoyance, he just smirks, making her grit her teeth in resentment.

 

They’d travelled to Tondc with Finn’s body to solidify that damn pact that Clarke was determined to obtain. When they arrived, everyone had gathered to watch the funeral pyre, and after that, things felt a little blurry to Raven since she’d been upset but trying to hide it. During some kind of joint banquet meant to affirm the agreement between their groups, Lexa’s followers had accused Raven of poisoning their Commander, eventually resulting in multiple excruciating knife wounds on the undersides of her arms and along her abdomen and stomach. After Clarke and Bellamy had managed to exonerate her, Abby had dressed the wounds with bandages but there wasn’t much in the way of medicine at Tondc, and the cuts burned with every step she’d taken since.

 

After watching the knife punishment being carried out fully on Gustus, who had tried to silence the alliance, the group from Camp Jaha had rendezvoused at their small collection of tents outside the village and made a few decisions. Raven had gone to her own tent to lie down, only to discover that Jasper had managed to make a recording from Mount Weather that her radio was finally able to pick up, and Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln had all immediately set about making plans when they got the news. Abby, concerned about Raven’s wounds as well as wanting to get back to camp to report on the situation with the Commander and the people at Mount Weather, had suggested that instead of staying the night, those that wanted to leave could start the hike back since the partnership was in place again. Kane, Raven and Murphy, too, had all wanted to get out of the Trikru village as soon as possible, but Lexa would only allow it if they were accompanied by two Grounder guards.

 

They had been hiking for about two hours, with the guards taking point positions at the front and rear, and the woods were getting darker as the sun was sinking below the horizon. Abby and Kane had been bent over in conversation most of the walk, and to Raven’s annoyance, Murphy had fallen in slightly behind her. Though it pained her to admit it, she could tell he was trying to casually watch her stride in case her leg or her knife wounds started causing a problem. She had been doing her best to mask her discomfort and sadness by tossing sarcastic and rude taunts at his sullen presence behind her, but with Abby’s reprimand, she was forced to actually think about her feelings instead of finding a willing distraction in Murphy.

 

She’d been furious when she found out that he’d asked Bellamy to come along. She wanted to blame someone for Finn’s death, and Murphy was an easy target, and even though she knew it was wrong, she hadn’t let herself feel ashamed that she’d tried to offer Murphy up to the Grounders instead of Finn. Finn was her family, despite everything he’d done, and he’d saved her life on the Ark. She wanted to save his, too. When Octavia had come to let Raven know that they were all ready to go to the village, she’d told her Murphy was heading out with them, and from the look on her face, Octavia must have known that Raven was going to cause a scene about it. Octavia had grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to listen when she explained what she’d seen and heard in the woods that day - about how Murphy really had tried to stop Finn, how the inhabitants of the village had been trapped in a pen without weapons and how Bellamy, Octavia and Clarke had arrived just a moment too late. She told her how they’d walked the whole way back to camp in silence, none of them knowing what to say about the devastation of so many unarmed bodies. But that later, Octavia had been sitting alone, crying, and Murphy had dropped down next to her and eventually said that he wished he could’ve made Finn leave that village sooner, before everything had gone to hell. So maybe Murphy had his own remorse, and maybe his reasons for wanting to go back to that village were even a little bit honorable, wanting to pay his respects, but Raven couldn’t care about that - she _wouldn’t_ care about that. If she didn’t have her anger, all she’d have left is her grief, and that was too unbearable to face, even if in the darkest corner of her mind she could acknowledge that this was all Finn’s fault and no one else’s.

 

Sighing, Raven concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, and she got lost enough in her thoughts that she was surprised when she looked up later to see that the Trikru guards had lit torches and the faint path they’d been using had grown even harder to see in the shadowy darkness. Her eyes scanned the sky, but she could only just make out a few glimpses of twinkly stars through the leafy canopy above. When she tilted her head back down at the ground to keep an eye out for tripping hazards, she felt an intense wave of dizziness and stumbled sideways. At once, Murphy’s arm reached for her and wrapped around her waist, preventing her from falling into the dirt. She heard him yell for Abby and gazed up at him to argue that she was fine, catching a gleam of concern in his blue eyes, but before she could open her mouth, everything went black.

 

***************

 

When she opened her eyes, the familiar fabric of her tent ceiling loomed above her. She turned her head in the gloom to see the faint outline of Abby’s face, sleeping beside her. Her body felt heavy, lethargic, and it took more effort than usual to raise her arm and grasp Abby’s shoulder to wake her up.

 

“Abby. What happened? Did I pass out?” Raven squeezes her hand harder and is relieved when Abby’s eyes open.

 

“There you are, Raven. We were all worried about you!” Abby sits up in the dark, holding Raven’s wrist and checking her pulse in silence for a few moments. “You did faint. If John hadn’t caught you, your wounds might have reopened and started bleeding again with a fall. When we couldn’t wake you up right away, Kane pulled out your tent and set it up and John carried you over to it. We decided to just camp here for tonight - we hiked about four hours and it’s late now, but if you’re doing better, we can get an early start in the morning. What happened, did you start to feel sick?”

 

“I felt dizzy all of a sudden, that’s all.” Raven explains.

 

“Well, you have lost a decent amount of blood. It’s probably just that, but it’s good that we stopped so you could rest. I had concerns about you leaving with us so soon after your injuries, but I kept quiet because I knew you didn’t want to stay there any longer than you had to, and I don’t blame you. But you can’t overdo it - if you need us to slow down, you have to speak up, alright?”

 

“I will… but Abby, I feel like I’m having trouble moving. I can’t move my injured leg at all right now, and I normally have movement in my upper thigh. The toes on my right foot feel tingly and I had to concentrate hard to lift my arm up to your shoulder.” Raven speaks calmly but Abby can hear the panic lying just under the surface of her words.

 

“Okay, honey, let me just check a few things out, alright? I’m going to take your shirt off so I can peel away the bandages on your arms and stomach and see how they’re doing. You feel warm - you might be running a temperature. I tried to clean your wounds but it is possible an infection could be setting in. I have a few more bandages in my pack. Try not to worry, I’m here and we’ll figure this out, okay?” Abby gently pulls Raven’s shirt over her head, helping Raven move her arms and neck, then carefully tugs away the bandages on the undersides of her arms.

 

Abby leans in close, but sighs in frustration. “Alright, I can’t see much without some light but these seem to be scabbing up just fine. I’m going to cover you back up, and I’m going to go get the water canteen and one of the fire torches to place outside. Hopefully it’ll cast enough light through the wall of the tent for me to see better. There’s some food in my pack from earlier - try to eat a little. I’m gonna slide this dish under the blanket in case you have to pee. Here’s a damp cloth to wipe if you need it - don’t look at me like that, Raven, everybody pees. I’ll be right back, I promise.”

 

Raven nods and grips the blanket tighter in her hands, picking up on Abby’s worry as she watches her leave the tent, but relieved that she can pee without having to crawl outside.

 

***************

 

Down a small incline from the tent, Abby steps towards the fire that Murphy built earlier, now putting off a welcome aura of warmth as she gets closer. Murphy is sitting on a blanket close to the flames, and Kane appears to be asleep across from him. The two Grounder guards are sitting off in the distance and Abby can’t tell if they’re sleeping or taking turns on duty.

 

“How’s she doing?” Murphy asks, voice low in an attempt not to disturb Marcus.

 

“Well, she’s awake, which is good, but besides blood loss, I think she’s running a temperature, and she’s having trouble moving which is a whole other concern. Have you seen my canteen? An infection might be setting in so I need to check her wounds but I can barely see in the tent.”

 

Murphy gets up and walks silently over to a nearby log, grabbing the canteen and a sturdy branch that’s already been wrapped with knotted fabric. “Here. I’ll walk over to the tent with you and hold this as close as I can without setting the whole thing on fire.” He holds the torch into the fire for a few moments, letting it catch the flames.

 

“Raven?” Abby pulls open the tent flap and climbs back inside. “I have the water and the extra bandages I need, plus some rags to clean any of the wounds that might need it. John’s going to hold the torch outside and move it around so I can see a little better. Take a few sips of this, slowly. I don’t want you to be dehydrated on top of everything else.”

 

They’re both quiet for a little while as Raven takes a drink from the canteen and Abby lowers the blankets, first discreetly removing the bedpan and then moving to examine the knife injuries more carefully, the only sound being Abby’s voice directing Murphy how to move the torch for Abby to get maximum light. When she opens the bandage on the long cut across Raven’s abdomen, she can tell immediately that it’s more swollen and angrier looking than before. Raven sucks in a sharp hiss of breath as Abby carefully palpates the wound, and Abby winces in sympathy. “I know that hurts, Raven, I’m sorry. This is your worst cut, and it’s redder than earlier today but that’s normal, as is the pain and some swelling. It doesn’t feel like there’s any pus deposits under the skin, though, which is good news. The injuries are going to hurt but so far they still look clean.”

 

“I feel worse now though, Abby. That one you were just touching feels like it’s on fire under my skin, it feels so hot and burning. And I’m still struggling to move and I think it’s getting harder. I feel hot everywhere, honestly.” Raven lifts her hand and slowly wipes off a sheen of sweat from her forehead while Abby pours some water onto one of the clean rags and lays it across her temple.

 

“You definitely have a fever but I’m not sure what the problem with movement is. Your body could be in a state of shock from all the emotions and the torture. Let me take your socks off, your pants too if it’ll make you more comfortable, and I’ll come back in a little bit with some fresh water. You need to keep drinking.” Abby removes Raven’s socks and brace, and when Raven agrees, clinically helps her wiggle out of her jeans with as little movement as possible so as not to reopen the wounds on her abdomen.

 

Before leaving the tent, Abby leans out the opening and digs a small hole to the side of the entrance, dumping out the bedpan and pouring clean water over her hands and into the dish to rinse it out. She slides the pan back within Raven’s reach and then Abby walks determinedly towards one of the Grounder guards, but Murphy hurries to redirect her, instead pushing her back towards the fire. “Abby, wait. I couldn’t help but hear you talk to Raven. You don’t have to try to interrogate one of the guards - I’m pretty sure I know why she’s having trouble moving.” Murphy looks down at the ground, hesitating, but when Abby’s hand rests on his arm, he looks up. “When we first came here, I got caught in the woods by some Grounders, and that’s the same camp they took me to. They tortured me for information over three days, and one of the things they did was cut me. Some of their knives had some kind of poison on it that made me feel paralyzed, and it burned like Raven was describing.”

 

Abby crinkles her forehead in disgust. “But why would they try to poison Raven when their goal was to just cut her continually until she was dead? They had no idea that Clarke and Bellamy would be able to save her!”

 

Murphy shrugs. “I don’t think it was a deliberate poison, maybe. I think a lot of the Grounders just coat their blades in some kind of toxin regularly. I didn’t see what they did to her, but if they were true to form, multiple people would have cut her, right, each using their own weapon?” Abby nods slowly, remembering why Murphy hadn’t been present when Raven had been tied to the tree.

 

“That’s probably right, John… the deepest cut Raven has might have been the only blade that was coated in something - the other injuries aren’t as swollen and hot feeling. You’re both saying it feels paralyzing, but not immediately, right? And that it feels hot under your skin and it gets harder to move? Can you tell me more about how quickly it worked on you, John, and how long it lasted? I’m sorry to ask about it, but Raven - “

 

“It’s okay,” Murphy interrupts, and Abby sees his jaw tense. “I’ll tell you about it if you think it’ll help. When they captured me in the forest, they cut me on the underside of my arms and then tied my hands together to force me to walk behind them. It was a few hours, maybe, and I started feeling dizzy and my feet felt a little numb, so I couldn’t keep up. When I woke up, I was in a cage in their village. When I wouldn’t answer their questions, they cut me again in various places and the numbness felt like it spread. I couldn’t lift my arms at one point, only barely able to twitch my fingers. My legs wouldn’t move but I could still feel it when they stabbed my thigh. It sounds a little crazy to say it out loud, but I think it might’ve been utter fear that made the movement come back. I was so scared of what they were going to do next that I thought maybe I just willed myself to be able to move again. I know that’s crazy but I don’t know how else to explain it.”

 

“No, John, no. That’s not crazy… actually, it might make perfect sense. If the knives had some kind of toxin that would attack antibodies and block our natural neurotransmitters, muscle movement could be paralyzed. The acetylcholine receptors in your body, and Raven’s too, could have been affected - that helps us activate and move our muscles. I don’t have any idea what kind of poison they could have used, and even if one of these guards told me their name for it or led me to the source or said how they obtained it, I couldn’t test for anything until I have my lab anyway… so based on symptoms of paralysis that spreads, I just have to assume that whatever it was targeted the parasympathetic nervous system. A blood transfusion might help but I don’t have any of that equipment here.” Abby paces back and forth in front of the fire in frustration, Kane still blissfully asleep despite the noise. “But what you’re talking about could still be key. You said you were afraid - understandably - but that would have resulted in a rush of adrenaline and endorphins through your system, basically counteracting the effects of the toxin that was causing the paralysis. Your heart would have likely been pounding with the fear, pushing the adrenaline and endorphins through your system faster to help flush out the paralysis… PEA would have been released too - that’s a stimulant of the central nervous system - everything would have worked together, really, and the PEA induces release of acetylcholine, which would get those muscles working again.”

 

Abby looks at Murphy triumphantly. “This was very helpful, thank you.”

 

“Uh, you’re welcome, but I don’t see how we’re going to scare Raven so bad she gets an adrenaline rush from it. I mean, she hates me but she’s not afraid of me, and she knows we’d never let one of those Grounders into her tent to terrorize her.” Murphy raises his eyebrow skeptically, not understanding Abby’s intentions.

 

“Unfortunately, she might hate you and me both after I tell her my solution,” Abby confides, her face showing the weariness she normally works to hide. “The problem now is that while we might know what’s wrong with her, and even have a potential plan to fix it, we don’t know what will happen if we _don’t_ act. I don’t know if the toxin is something temporary or if it could cause permanent damage. You basically burned the toxins out of your system, and as far as we both know, you aren’t feeling any lasting symptoms, right?” He shakes his head. “That’s good news, but what if you hadn’t had that adrenaline spike? I have no way of knowing how your body would have reacted or how Raven’s body will react now to the toxin being in the body longer-term or indefinitely, and even if we start at the break of dawn and carry her back to Camp Jaha, we’ve got at least a ten hour hike ahead of us still, before I could get her back to my lab and run some tests. That might be too late, if any of the toxins could do permanent damage.”

 

Abby grabs a canteen lying closer to Marcus. “I need to go back and talk to Raven and give her some more water. Do me a favor and don’t fall asleep just yet. I might need to ask you something else when I’m done with her.”

 

“Yeah, alright.” Murphy looks on as Abby walks deeper into the trees where Raven’s tent is set up, far enough away that he won’t be able to hear whatever conversation they’re about to have.

 

***************

 

Despite the thick blanket she’s laying on, the hardness of the ground is making it almost impossible to get comfortable while Raven waits for Abby to return. She’s been drinking water and rewetting the cloth across her forehead, but the heaviness of her arms means it’s an arduous process and she’s worn out, despite the pain radiating across her stomach. She’s also still hot and the blanket she’d pulled across her naked legs for privacy feels rough and scratchy over her bare skin. Closing her eyes, she thinks she might have been about to drift off when she hears the zipper of the tent pull up and Abby climbs inside.

 

“How’re you doing, Raven? Getting enough water into you?” Abby asks, and lifts up the canteen she’d left with Raven, pleased to feel that it’s considerably lighter than when she’d brought it in.

 

“Yes, but I’m feeling tired and I just want to sleep now. Can I go to bed yet?” Raven requests, a loud yawn capping off her question.

 

“I’m afraid not, honey. How is your movement, better or worse than before?”

 

Raven scrunches up her face in consideration. “My fingers are more numb, not completely immobile but it was harder to grip the canteen the last time I took a sip. Still can’t move my left leg at all, hip to toes now rather than the normal lower thigh to toes. Right foot feels kind of numb overall and my left arm is harder to move than my right.”

 

Abby rubs her hand along Raven’s arm in a comforting gesture. “I have some good news and some bad news, and I need you to just hear me out, okay?” Raven nods her agreement and Abby continues. “Earlier when I examined your injuries and John was holding the torch outside, he couldn’t help but overhear our conversation. When I left the tent for more water, he shared with me the knowledge that many of the Grounders use some kind of unknown poison on their knives, which might explain the symptoms you’re feeling. He and I talked about it, and I think you know that he was tortured over a period of time with them?”

 

“Yes, I do know that. He was a mess when he came back to the Dropship, looking for help. Clarke wanted to help him right away, and I didn’t blame her considering how he looked. But the Grounders had given him something, some kind of sickness. I don’t think he knew that they did that on purpose, wanting him to come back and kill some of us off, but that’s what happened. I got sick, so did Clarke and Bellamy, but we survived. A few others didn’t. I don’t blame him for that, though.”

 

“Okay. Well, then you can understand why I believe what he says about the knives. He was cut by the Grounders too, and he felt paralyzing symptoms like you do. We discussed it, and based on both of your answers, I believe that the large wound on your stomach was done with a knife that had this toxin, and I believe whatever it contains is affecting your parasympathetic nervous system. I think the toxin targeted acetylcholine receptors in your body, causing the loss of muscle movement and effectively paralyzing you as it spreads through your bloodstream. Without lab equipment, I cannot test this theory, but it makes sense. Typically I could try to fight this with a blood transfusion, but I don’t have the necessary tools for that here. John was able to counteract the effects of the toxin with spikes of fear-based adrenaline and endorphins, because of what he was going through during the torture he experienced.” Abby meets Raven’s wide-eyed stare. “You do understand I’m telling you this to help explain your own situation, and that his information should stay confidential?”

 

“Of course. I’m a lot of things, Abby, but I’m not a rat. Despite my opinion of him, I can still respect that it took him a while to break, and I wouldn’t tell anyone he was scared, even though it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

 

“Well, I had to ask. Thank you for the reassurance. Anyway, his system basically burned off the toxin, which was good for him but means we don’t know the outcome of what the toxins do in the body for the longer term. I don’t know if they could affect you permanently or if they just wear off over time. If we confront the Grounder guards here, I might get enough information from them to find out where the poison comes from, and then I could run tests back at Camp Jaha… but like I told John, we’re looking at another ten hours, at least, before we could get there, and even more time after that for any kind of test results. I don’t think we have that kind of time.”

 

“So what are you saying, Abby - you want to scare it out of me, too?” Raven laughs mockingly.

 

“That’s what John thought as well. He said you might hate him, but that you weren’t scared of him, and that you’d know we’d never let Grounders in here to attack you.” Abby searches Raven’s face for a reaction, and there’s just enough to reassure her that Raven might follow her advice after all.

 

Begrudgingly, Raven rolls her eyes at Murphy’s assessment. “I guess he can’t be wrong all the time. No, I’m not scared of him. Whatever his flaws - of which there are many - he would never hurt me on purpose, so there’s no reason for me to be scared of him.”

 

“Why _do_ you hate him, Raven? I know it’s not just because he wasn’t able to stop Finn at Tondc - you disliked him before that.” Abby leans in, hoping for an answer.

 

“He knows why, and it’s not really anybody else’s concern except ours. I don’t… he doesn’t actually need to be punished by anyone else, and you’re the Chancellor right now. If you know, you might want to do something about it, and that’s not what I want.” Raven swallows the sudden lump in her throat. “I might still be upset, but I do know he regrets it, so...I might not be ready to forgive him but I don’t _hate_ him anymore. Even with Finn, I know he tried… Anyway, I did something bad to him, partly in retaliation. I’m not innocent either. You or anybody else shouldn’t hold anything against him over it though - this is just between him and me, and I mean it. Your opinion about him shouldn’t be influenced by me, okay?”

 

“If you’re sure, Raven.” Abby chews her lip thoughtfully, calculating her options. No one is going to like her very much when this is all said and done, but the part of her that is a doctor who can put her emotions to the side in order to present the best course of action demands that she keep going. “Well, you probably know, but he doesn’t hate you. You weren’t there to see it, but when they shut us all away in Tondc after they thought you poisoned Lexa, after Indra took you away they left a few guards behind, keeping an eye on the rest of us before they marched us out to watch them… well, to watch. Before they locked us back in, John attacked two of them and actually got out the door in the chaos, but there was a third guard stationed in the hallway that we couldn’t see who knocked him unconscious. He’s got a huge lump around the top of his head. I was worried he had gotten a concussion, which is one of the reasons I was glad he wanted to leave Tondc too, so I can look him over when we get back to camp. He was really angry that we had just let you leave with Indra, and now I understand that he knew what was coming. That’s why he wasn’t there while you were screaming. He woke up just before Gustus died.”

 

Raven painstakingly lifts her wrist and roughly scrubs at her eye, turning to Abby stubbornly. “What’s your plan, Abby?”

 

Steeling herself for Raven’s response, Abby straightens her shoulders. “You’re not going to like it, but just remember you’d like being paralyzed even less.”

 

“I’m a big girl, just spit it out.”

 

“There’s another way your body can produce a surge of adrenaline and endorphins, and it’s not because you’re scared. So take your pick between me, Kane, John or one of those Grounders, because at least one of us is going to have to give you quite a few orgasms to burn this out of your system.”

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Raven looks at her desperately. “Please tell me you’re fucking kidding right now.”

 

“I’m afraid I’m not kidding. If you think about it, you’ll know that I’m right. And before you tell me that you’ll get yourself off instead, let me remind you that you’ve already confessed to having some numbness in your fingers, which tells me you may not be able to find your way around, so to speak.” Despite her ability to discuss medical issues without embarrassment, this situation is not one she’s ever dealt with before, and she’s glad Raven probably can’t make out the faint tinge of red blooming on her cheeks. “If you agreed to it, I can’t deny that it might be awkward, but I would do my best to help you - “

 

“Shut up, Abby! Jesus, no!” Raven thankfully interrupts.

 

“Oh, thank goodness!” Abby relaxes. “No offense, Raven, but I think of you like I think of Clarke, and I’m not actually sure I could have even gone through with it but I felt like I had to offer.”

 

At that, Raven lets out a faintly delirious laugh. “I mean, there’s no way. I think of you sort of maternally, too, but I guess the fact that you even offered is something of a compliment? Thanks, I guess? This is really fucked up, I don’t even know what to think right now.”

 

Cautiously, Abby leans down to help Raven up into a sitting position, then wraps her arms gently around her for a hug. “I know it’s fucked up, honey, and I’m sorry for it. I wouldn’t push this on you if I didn’t think it was our best option. Go ahead and have a good cry, and maybe when you’re done, you’ll know what to do.”

 

Raven leans her head on Abby’s shoulder and cries so long and hard that it’s clear to both of them that it’s about far more than just this current situation. Abby holds her patiently, and when she’s finally finished and pulls back from the embrace, Abby hands her a clean rag to wipe her face with, then offers her the canteen of water.

 

“Look at it this way,” Abby smiles, “maybe all those tears released some of the toxins too.”

 

Raven chokes out a huff of laughter. “Great. One less orgasm I’ll need to have then.” They both grin at the absurdity of it all, but then Raven turns serious again. “You already knew what I would choose when you came in here. I have enough maternal feelings towards you to rule you out, Kane is far too much of an authority figure and it would just be too weird and uncomfortable for both of us. And don’t think I haven’t noticed the looks the two of you share when you think the other isn’t looking.” Abby has the grace to look a little sheepish. “And there’s no way I’d let either of those Grounders touch me. It’s going to be incredibly awkward and I don’t even know if he’ll agree to it, but regardless of anything else I might think about Murphy, I do strangely trust him. But I’m not asking him - you’re going to have to do that part.” Raven raises her brows defiantly, but Abby is so pleased Raven’s not arguing over it that she’ll agree to just about anything at this point.

 

“Yes, of course I’ll ask him. And while he might find it awkward as well, Raven, I don’t believe for a moment that he would say no. If we don’t do anything about this, there _is_ a chance you could end up with permanent paralysis. John wouldn’t want that for you, even if it means… well, even if it means agreeing to this.”

 

Sighing, Raven runs her hand down the blanket draped around her hips, trying to adjust it to cover a little more of her. “Well, I’m already mostly undressed. I’m still burning up hot and after that cry I’m actually feeling energized instead of tired, so I suppose it’s now or never. Do I look like I’ve been sobbing my eyes out?”

 

Abby leans over and wipes Raven’s face with the wet cloth, then affectionately combs her fingers through Raven’s hair to straighten it out. “You look beautiful. You’re so brave and I’m very proud of you. It’s going to be okay, I promise.” Looking into Abby’s eyes that shine with resolve, Raven believes her, but after Abby leaves the tent and makes her way to talk to Murphy, the anxiety over what’s about to happen takes over. Clumsily leaning over to moisten the rag again, she’s not nearly as certain as Abby that Murphy will agree to this.

 

She succeeds in distracting her mind for a few minutes by rubbing the wet cloth all along her body in a poor imitation of the shower she’d much prefer, but she knows this was better than nothing. Soap would have been nice, but the cool water did feel good against her fevered skin. Her hand hesitated for a moment at her middle, but then she pushed the cloth determinedly into her underwear to thoroughly clean herself, and she shook her head in disbelief at what her life has turned into.

 

When she’s finished, Raven realizes that she’s not sure what she’s more nervous about - whether he’ll say yes, or whether he’ll say no. Either answer brings about their own set of problems, but Raven’s enough of a realist to know that there’s a lot more negatives that would come along with permanently losing feeling in parts of her body versus having to deal with a few hours of intensely awkward intimacy with her… enemy? No, that’s not the right description for Murphy - it’s more like he’s an… opponent of sorts, she decides. Someone to antagonize and take some of her aggression out on, yes, but not someone she wanted to see dead. When she made the choice to try and exchange him to the Grounders in place of Finn, she hadn’t let herself think too much about what that would mean for him. But earlier, being tied to the tree herself and feeling the despair and pain that went along with that, and then having to observe what happened to Gustus… maybe if he’d shot her on purpose she could have wanted that kind of revenge, but she knows that’s not what happened between them. And she can be relieved that she didn’t accomplish her initial idea of turning Murphy over at the same time she can feel sorrow for Finn, she thinks. She doesn’t _have_ to hate Murphy in order to somehow prove that she loved Finn, she knows that, but she’s not ready to accept that Finn’s own choices sealed his fate.

 

Gingerly, she lays back down, only able to grasp the blanket with her right hand now, her left hand too numb. She shivers, despite how overheated she still feels. She’s never going to be able to come if she doesn’t turn her brain off, so she takes a few deep breaths and concentrates on the memory of being weightless in space, something that always helps her relax.


	2. Chapter 2

  ** _There are poisons that blind you, and poisons that open your eyes. ~ August Strindberg_**

 

 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding right now!” Murphy managed to keep his voice lowered, but there was no disguising the disbelief and shock in his tone as he stared angrily at Abby.

 

Privately, she was a little amused that both he and Raven had had similar reactions to her solution, but she had a feeling he wouldn’t share the sentiment. “No, and I told you this was going to be awkward. You managed to solve your problem with adrenaline and endorphins, and I think we might be able to solve Raven’s in the same way… just no one’s going to torture her so I had to think of another way for her body to produce the reactions other than in fear. And this is the other way.”

 

In a role reversal, it’s now Murphy pacing agitatedly across the ground on the far side of the fire, and Abby sits on the log, watching him intently. She’s almost positive he’s going to agree… but there’s still the chance that he won’t, and she’s not going to let that happen on her watch.

 

“I mean, can’t she just do it herself?” he demands, his hands in fists at his side, the frustration rolling off him in waves that Abby can almost see.

 

“No, she’s already started to go numb in her fingers, so it’s not a reliable option. I gave her a choice - me, Kane, you or the Grounders. Thankfully, she picked you.”

 

“Thankfully?” he spits, and she’s never seen that expression of self-loathing on his face before.

 

“Yes, John, thankfully. Because I never would have let those Grounders near her, and she doesn’t know Kane much at all, other than just seeing him as an authority figure. So it would’ve been you or me, and like I told her, I would’ve made a genuine attempt, but I think of her as a daughter and was _very_ relieved when she seemed as disturbed as I was. So it’s you, and we’re both trusting you to be… tactful, about this entire thing.”

 

“Tactful, she fucking says!” Murphy scoffs, turning his sharp gaze towards her. “Do you even know why she hates me?”

 

Abby waits until he paces closer before answering. “She wouldn’t tell me, but she did say she’s not innocent either, and that she knows you regret it and she doesn’t want anyone else punishing you for it. It’s only between the two of you, she said. I don’t think she hates you, I think she’s just been through a lot since I asked her to take that rocket to Earth.”

 

Murphy pauses and looks at Abby, and this time his features are harder to read. “I hate myself for it. I’m the one who shot her.”

 

Although she thought that might have been the secret between them, she’s still startled to hear it stated so plainly, and she’s grateful she manages to keep her face somewhat expressionless as Murphy continues.

 

“For what it’s worth, I didn’t know it was _her_ I was shooting at. I was angry at Bellamy, I lost my temper because… well, the reasons don’t matter now. I shot through the floor of the Dropship and didn’t even know I hit her until a few days later. You and Kane found us later and she didn’t tell you the truth, why the fuck not I have no idea, and after that what really happened doesn’t seem to come up very much, or if it does she still won’t say. I don’t get it at all.”

 

“Maybe you don’t need to understand it, John. Maybe you just need to accept that Raven’s dealing with it the way she wants to. She wouldn’t have agreed to this if she didn’t trust you in some way, and I think you know that. Obviously no one will force you, but you know the consequences she could face if we just let the toxins take its course. At best, there’s a fifty-fifty chance here - maybe she’ll be fine and it’ll wear off on its own, but maybe she won’t. I care about her enough to want to make those odds as good as we can, so I want you to agree to this. I’m trusting you with her, so don’t let either of us down.”

 

Dropping his head into his hands, Murphy forcefully rubs at his temples for a few moments, eyes tightly closed. When he’s done, he looks over at her and Abby can see the resignation written clearly on his face. “Tell me exactly what you want me to do so I don’t fuck it up.”

 

Her body flooding with relief, Abby offers him a small smile. “Good. Just… pace yourself so you don’t tire out. It might take a while so you don’t want either of you to be sore. Um, no offense but don’t do anything that’s going to make you sleepy, right, because the goal is to make _her_ orgasm as many times as you can.”

 

“How many times should I be aiming to…? How will we know if it’s enough?” Murphy mutters.

 

“I think if she starts to get feeling and sensation back into the parts of her body that were previously numb, that’s a really good sign. Just talk if you aren’t sure, but try to aim for ten, maybe?” Abby suggests.

 

“You are aware I’m not a robot, right?” Murphy remarks drily, and while Abby’s relieved his sense of humor hasn’t disappeared completely, she reminds him of the consequences if this doesn’t work.

 

“There’s a lot at stake here, John. I don’t know the definitive answer. I just know this is the best chance.”

 

“Yeah, well, wish us luck then.” With that, he turns to stride towards Raven’s tent, and Abby stares up at the portion of sky she can spot between the leaves above her, making a silent, fervent request that this time, things will work out in their favor.

 

***************

 

Murphy walks towards Raven’s tent but stops and leans against a tree to gather himself before facing her. This was all just insanity, there’s no other way to describe it, he thinks frantically. Earlier today Raven had been using that sharp tongue of hers to lash out at him with all of the pain she’d been feeling, and now suddenly he’s supposed to go in and somehow get her not to hate him long enough to make her orgasm over and over in order to make sure she didn’t end up more paralyzed than his bullet had already made her? What kind of fucked up bullshit kind of life _was_ this? And why the hell she hadn’t picked Kane or Abby instead of him was still beyond his comprehension at this point. He wasn’t even sure he could do this… No, that wasn’t true. He could _do_ this, he just wasn’t sure if he _should_.

 

That was not a question he typically asked himself when it came to sex. He’d gone into the Skybox young, up on the Ark, and he’d spent years in a cell, alone. He’d been a virgin when they’d sent them all down to die, but after their successful landing, there were plenty of girls who had been willing, and he’d taken advantage of the situation when he’d felt the urge. There was nothing even remotely serious about any of it - no attachments, nothing more than a shared moment between two consenting not-quite-adults. He was convinced Raven wasn’t a virgin either, considering her relationship with Finn had lasted years. And he knew about her and Bellamy, although that seemed like more of a vengeance fuck on both their parts, from the gossip he’d heard, anyway. But being intimate with Raven was far more complicated than anything he’d been involved in before, and his remorse about shooting her was only part of the problem.

 

He leans his head back against the tree with a thud, exhaling a breath of frustration. Abby wouldn’t have told him to do this unless Raven had agreed to it, but he just didn’t understand why she would’ve. Maybe she’d answer him if he asked her, if he demanded to know before agreeing to this ridiculous situation… No, he refused to hold anything over her head about it. If she really did intend to go through with this with him, he wouldn’t make it worse for her. But there were a few things maybe they’d better get worked out first, he figured, no matter how uncomfortable they both might feel. Straightening his shoulders, he opened his own container of water for a long drink, then swished some around in his mouth and spit it out.

 

The sound of the tent zipper seems unnaturally loud in the peaceful quiet of the woods, and Raven struggles up to lean on her elbows to watch him warily as he enters the small space, the blanket clutched to her chest. He sits on the floor and he closes the tent flap, untying his boots, tugging off his socks and putting them both to the side. There’s not much room in the tent, and he’s close enough to bump up against her if he’s less than careful about it. When he’s finished, his eyes search her face minutely, looking for any sign that she wants out of this arrangement.

 

“Are you sure about this?” he asks her, his voice gruffer than he intends.

 

She stares back at him, faint shadows from the flickering fire reflecting through the thin wall of the tent to reveal her eyes that always see too much, and she unexpectedly laughs. “Am I sure about this? No, I’m not sure about this at all. But it seems like a better idea than potential paralysis, so… here we are.” She lifts one shoulder in a careless shrug, and the blanket slips down a little across her chest, drawing his gaze unintentionally.

 

He pushes his hand through his hair and feels the full weight of what he’s supposed to do now that she seems somewhat… receptive, anyway, if not exactly enthusiastic. Although he wasn’t expecting that and he knows it’s unfair for him to wish for it, just a little. “Do you, uh, do you want to make any rules about this, before…?” He trails off into silence, hoping she can interpret what he means.

 

Her eyes had dropped down towards her lap, but with his question they fly back up to his face in surprise. “Yeah, actually, that’s… thanks.” She bites her lip and focuses on a point over his shoulder as she explains. “It’ll be even weirder if you have all your clothes on and I… don’t, so could you?” She waves her right hand in his general direction, and he gets what she really means, even though the clothes are a part of it. It’s enough that there’s already a power imbalance between them, with her at a disadvantage because she needs this but he doesn’t. She wants things to be as equal as she can make them, and he can empathize with that, with the want, maybe even need, to have some measure of control. He wants to tell her that’s not how this is for him, but he doesn’t think she’ll understand and he’s not even sure he has the words for it, so he just nods and takes off his jacket, folding it on top of his boots.

 

“Any other rules?” Murphy mumbles, as he pulls his long-sleeved shirt over his head, followed by his t-shirt, dropping them both onto the pile.

 

Trying to avoid staring, Raven’s eyes can’t help but catch the long straight markings on the underside of his biceps when he raises his arms. The knowledge that they’re going to have matching physical scars on top of the shared emotional ones she already knows about seems like absolute evidence the universe is making a fucking joke at her expense, and he hears her sigh loudly as she pushes off her elbows and lies back onto the blankets underneath her. She talks up at the roof of the tent when she eventually speaks. “Look, this part has nothing to do with you, okay? I would say this no matter who… It’s just that this is so fucking awkward and I don’t want to have to pick it apart afterwards, alright? Can we just agree that we’ll put it behind us and not make it everyone else’s business that we did this?”

 

Murphy pauses at the button on his pants, not knowing if he should feel offended. “Do you think I’d gossip about this, that I’d tell people what happened?”

 

“No! That’s not… for once I’m not actually trying to insult you, Murphy, alright?” Raven’s voice is tinged with frustration. “I don’t think you’d spread it around, but I want to make it clear that I don’t want to discuss it to death and I’d prefer if the only people who have to know about it are me, you and Abby. Maybe Kane will find out, I guess, but that’s it. Everybody knows Finn cheated on me so soon after he landed. Everybody knows I had a one night stand with Bellamy. Everybody knows I’m the poor girl with the injured leg and Clarke mercy-killed my ex-boyfriend, who went crazy and killed a bunch of unarmed people. Now everybody will hear I got knifed by a bunch of Grounders for something I didn’t even do, and I’d kind of prefer to keep the rest of the increasingly weird have-sex-or-lose-all-sensation-in-your-limbs details out of it, okay?”

 

He doesn’t mean it, but he can’t help but let out a rough laugh at the dramatic list she’s just ranted about, because it really is the awful truth. He tries to cover the inappropriate response with a cough, but then he hears a snort of laughter from Raven and gives in as they both release some of the tension with a little bit of humor at the implausible scenario they’ve ended up in. When she quiets, he tugs his pants off and tosses them towards the pile of clothing near the tent entrance, and then pulls Abby’s folded stack of blankets along Raven’s right side and lays down on them. He stares up at the fabric ceiling and watches the faint light from the flames outside change the shadows as they dance.

 

“I’m not gonna tell anybody, and you know Abby won’t. Kane either, for that matter. I get what you’re saying, but I don’t think you need to worry about this one. Most people probably wouldn’t believe it if they heard about it anyway. You and I are always feuding with each other, why would we sleep together?” Murphy theorized, and Raven hummed a little response in agreement.

 

They’re silent, lying next to each other in the dusky tent, until Murphy’s fingers reach out and come to rest lightly on her wrist. “You gonna ask me if I have any rules?” he wonders.

 

“I was getting to it,” she mumbles defensively, taken aback by the coolness of his touch on her heated skin. She sucks in a deep breath and deliberately softens her tone. “What rules do you want to set?”

 

“I got two,” he tells her, and he’s still flat on his back, head facing up just like she is. “First, the whole point of this is that you have to like it, so speak up if something is or isn’t working for you. You gotta say no if you don’t want me to do something or you don’t like it, okay?”

 

Raven feels the fluttering of a thousand butterflies in her stomach when his request brings the very real awareness that they’re actually going through with this, and she doesn’t think her voice is all that steady when she utters a weak ‘okay’ in response. She clears her throat and tries again. “Okay. What’s your other rule?”

 

Abruptly, Murphy’s fingers tighten as he rolls onto his side to face her, his left hand wrapped around her right wrist, trapped between their bodies. She feels the intensity of his stare and knows that whatever he’s about to demand, he means it. She swallows audibly, a little worried that he might ask for something more than she can give, but she meets his eyes unflinchingly and waits for him to tell her, wrinkling her forehead in concern.

 

He clenches his jaw, not liking what he’s going to suggest, but he knows he can’t do this if she’s lying there feeling like she’s being forced to let some kind of monster touch her in exchange for a cure. “Close your eyes if you need to, pretend I’m somebody else, but you can’t think of me like I’m some kind of rapist. Not during this and not after either. I would never -”

 

Some of the stress goes out of Raven’s body as she hears what he’s asking, and she interrupts before he can continue or get the wrong idea. “That’s not what this is, Murphy,” she says firmly. “Whatever strange relationship we have aside, I trust you enough for you to even be here. There may be extenuating circumstances, but I’m saying yes and you seem to be saying yes, so don’t you dare make this worse when it doesn’t have to be.”

 

His face is so serious this close to hers, but she can tell her words have had an effect on him, and it feels like too much to be able to read him like that. She’s already so hot but now it’s almost unbearable because it’s more difficult to breathe with him in her space, and there’s so much tension between them that she’s almost desperate to break it. “Do you even know what you’re doing?” she asks him, letting a hint of haughtiness creep into her voice.

 

“Well, we both better hope so, huh?” he smirks down at her, and she’s actually a little bit affected that he said ‘we’ instead of making it just about her, so she doesn’t even bother to give a sarcastic comment in response. Not that she would have had time, because his lips are suddenly and unpredictably upon hers and his right arm drapes carefully around her waist, pulling her closer. His lips are insistent and firm, but not in an unpleasant way, and she’s just debating with herself on how she feels about it when he sucks on her bottom lip, hard enough to make her open her mouth in surprise and let out a little whimper. He takes advantage, sliding his tongue in to rub alongside hers, and she doesn’t have to consider how she feels about _that_ when her stomach somersaults in reaction. He keeps his mouth pressed to her lips, rolling her so she’s beneath him but making sure he doesn’t put any weight onto her bandaged stomach. One of his hands goes to her hair to angle her head where he wants it, and the groan he makes when she deepens the kiss sends a little shudder through her. His other hand traces a path along the curve of her waist and lifts her left arm up to curl around his shoulder, her blanket falling down to her hips in the process. She hums in approval at the gesture and it occurs to Raven that Murphy kisses in a way that suits his personality - impulsively, aggressively, relentlessly… why that should be something she’s drawn to, she can’t explain, but if he can use his mouth like that _elsewhere_ on her body, maybe this was going to work out after all.

 

***************

 

Murphy may have known from the first time he saw Raven that he was attracted to her, and he definitely knew the first time they accidentally touched that he felt a spark, but still, he wasn’t prepared for how it felt to kiss her. Even as he tangled his fingers in her hair and greedily stroked her tongue with his own, he was mentally warning himself to step back, to distance himself and try to think of her like one of the random girls he’d already slept with. As far as he was concerned, everything about Raven was complicated and there was far too much baggage between them to ever result in anything but trouble. And any thought that deviated from that line of thinking was only going to be painful and end in disaster, so it was better to just put it out of his head completely. He knew this, he did, it was just that with his mouth along her neck, sucking and biting at the hot and sensitive skin that made her whine and gasp, it was a lot harder to remember. He slid his hands around her back to feel for the clasp of her bra, and he was grateful when the damn thing didn’t require too much effort on his part to release it. He dragged the straps down her arms, licking a path across her neck, along her clavicle and to the edge of her bra before peeling it off and tossing it somewhere on the floor of the tent. He fondled her gorgeous breasts, thumbs gliding across her nipples as she arched her back and pushed herself up into his hands, and the skin was so soft he wanted to linger but it was already so late and he had no idea how long this might take. He couldn’t resist taking turns with his mouth on her nipples, and fuck but this was so unfair, to be on some kind of a deadline while she was spread out underneath him and letting him touch her.

 

He sat back on his heels, running his fingers over the small patches of bare skin not covered by gauze on her stomach, and he swallowed down the anger he felt just looking at them. Everywhere he touched her heated his fingers and lips, and he remembered that feeling of the poison in his veins, of being so hot he thought he might ignite. He understands how it’s making her feel but in this case it might actually help him get her off. He pushed aside the blanket that still covered her legs, and bent over her to leave kisses along the inside of her thighs, his thumbs hooking into the sides of the dark colored panties she wore. He fantasized for just a moment, imagining that he could just rip them off her, but he knew clothes were too hard to come by to just ruin them for no reason, although the idea of it definitely turned him on. Instead he drew them down over her hips, lifting her knees and ankles since she couldn’t do it herself, and he threw the panties in the same direction as the bra. Looking down at her naked and shadowy form, her head thrown back with her hair spilling over the blankets and her eyes squeezed shut, he wonders if she has any idea what a relief her earlier words were to him, about trusting him enough to let him be here. He can’t figure her out, doesn’t know why she makes the decisions she does where he’s concerned, but he can be content without some of the answers, knowing now that at least he’s not the only one who feels this inexplicable connection.

 

Wishing he had more light to see her with, he tries to memorize what he can before dropping down between her legs and hooking his arms under her thighs. She squirmed, just a little, along her right side, and he held her thigh a little tighter as he took his time breathing her in and trying to calm himself down. It’s not going to do either of them a damn bit of good if he comes in his underwear with just the scent of her. He hears her mutter something under her breath above him, and although he couldn’t make out the words, he likes that she’s getting impatient, that she wants him to hurry up and touch her.

 

Leaning forward, he teases his tongue along her folds, and the first taste of her has him ready to throw his whole plan to keep his distance out the window. Fuck it, he thinks. Maybe complicated is his thing. And maybe it was a small price to pay for this kind of incentive. She was slick and sultry under his tongue, and he could hear the breathy little pants she lets out as he licked everywhere but her clit, wanting her to be as sensitive as possible before he makes her come. He uses his mouth to explore the rich taste of her until he can feel her hips start to tremble, and then he nudges his nose up to bump against her clit, and it’s enough stimulation to send her over the edge, a throaty moan echoing through the tent. He doesn’t let her come down, pulling her more fully against his mouth so he can suck the little nub and prod it with his tongue, and when he does she hits another peak and this time she’s louder, making him smirk. Yeah, doing this all night isn’t going to be a problem.

 

He shifts up onto his elbows to look at her, and tosses an extra blanket towards her head, grinning into the dark. “You keep that up, you’re going to wake Kane, and that’s saying something.” She slowly blinks her eyes open after a moment and the disgruntled look she gives him almost makes him laugh, but then her eyelids flutter closed again and he wonders what she might be imagining. His fingers flex unwittingly and he makes a conscious effort to relax them, lowering his head again as her luscious scent surrounds him. So maybe he’d been the one to tell her to close her eyes and pretend he was someone else, but that’s not what he wants her to actually _do_ . He wants her to know it’s him who’s making her come, him who she’s thinking about and him who she’ll remember later. He sets his jaw stubbornly, deciding that he’s going to make her say _his_ name before this is over, determined to knock anybody else out of her thoughts at least once while it’s only him touching her.

 

Without any warning, he tilts his head forward at the same time he pulls her thighs back towards him, and he pushes his tongue into her deliciously wet slit as far as he can, lips sliding against her just the slightest bit roughly. He hears her swear and her right arm reaches down unsteadily, holding his head against her cunt. He coils his tongue up in rhythmic strokes, working her slowly and patiently, and eventually he can hear her getting noisier.

 

“Yes, like that! Fuck, yes!” Raven whines, and he knows it won’t take much to push her over again, so he deftly grazes one finger against her swollen clit until she tightens around his tongue, coming hard with a gush of wetness that he shamelessly laps up. She’s still so hot against him, her skin covered in a light sheen of sweat, and he trails his fingers along the inside of her thighs, then reaches one arm up to pluck at her nipples while his tongue continues, edging closer to her clit and sucking it very carefully between his teeth in hopes of making her come for the fourth time. He’s rewarded with a small scream this time, though she presses her mouth against the blanket in enough time for it to be muffled.

 

Licking his lips, he crawls up her torso and buries his face in her neck, feeling her hammering pulse against his cheek as he lays against her side. Her breathing is harsh so he runs his fingers through the ends of her hair soothingly, letting her body calm down. He hasn’t deliberately been this giving in bed before, but it’s not as tough as he worried it might be, just focusing on her and _not_ thinking about how hard he is and exactly what he wants to do to her. He’s willing to acknowledge that it’s _because_ it’s her and not some random female, but he doesn’t want to take it deeper than that in order to stay somewhere in the realm of denial. For now he just wants to feel smug that he’s only used his mouth so far and is already almost halfway to the goal that’s been set, even though he’s not gonna spell that part out to Raven in case it gets her irritated with him. Probably best if he doesn’t use his mouth for talking too much if he wants to keep making her come, he reasons… although that causes him to wonder if she’d be up for any dirty talk, which makes him growl a little against her throat in anticipation.

 

Now that she’s relaxing and her breathing is settling down, her left arm drifts up to rest along his waist, her hand over his hip, and he realizes that Abby must have been right about the rush of endorphins because earlier Raven could barely lift that arm and couldn’t flex her fingers at all. He’d tell her, but he’s got at least six more chances to get her to say his name, and besides, he knows Raven likes figuring things out for herself, so he’s going to put his mouth to better use. With that he angles his head and nibbles on her bottom lip, and both her hand gripping his hip harder and the sweet little sigh she makes tells him he’s off to a good start on number five.

 

***************

 

Back on the Ark, Raven had read everything she could get her hands on, not only to feed her need to learn things, but often out of sheer boredom until they’d finally let her test into the Zero-G program. Somewhere in all those hundreds of millions of words she’d read, there was a particularly peculiar one that was standing out in her brain just now.

 

Gobsmacked. That was the word. It had seemed so foreign when she first recited it in her mind, but now it was the only word that felt like it accurately described how she felt. Completely gobsmacked.

 

Lying on a pile of blankets in a thin tent, breathing like she’d just run some kind of marathon with the guy who _shot her_ pressed up against her side while he slid his fingers through her hair - yes, that was strange enough. But considering the harsh breathing was a direct result of him making her come a bunch of times was really the detail that pushed it over the edge into gobsmacked territory… although if she was being honest, she could add quite a few more pertinent details to that description while she was at it.

 

The kissing had started out like an unexpected surprise - not that she’d been surprised that he was good at it, more that it was just that she didn’t know she would _like_ having him kiss her. And she’d definitely liked it. But then his mouth had moved lower and lower and it all got even better, and she hadn’t even _known_ her body could respond like that. He’d told her to think of someone else, but it was such an unexpected turn of events to be naked next to Murphy - as if she could have thought of anyone else at all, when this was one of the strangest things to ever happen to her.  

 

She hasn’t had her eye on anyone lately, and thinking back to her one experience with Bellamy, she’d understood almost immediately after it happened that it had had more to do with her own need to be desired and to get a little self-esteem back. And yes, the vague thought that sleeping with Bellamy might hurt Finn, might even have made Clarke feel jealous even though she knew it wasn’t really Clarke’s fault - well that had been a selfish little bonus at the time. But there were no feelings between her and Bellamy other than just the shared interest in getting off, and their touches had been pleasurable but Raven had felt a faint sense of regret while they were together. When she hadn’t felt any better after they were finished, she knew she’d slept with him for the wrong reasons and she wouldn’t do it again. There was no reason to think of him.

 

With Finn, they had known each other for so long that there was no nervousness, no shyness between them when they moved from friendship to a relationship. She’d felt like she knew how he liked to be touched even before she did so, and there weren’t really any unknowns in their sex life. They’d been each other’s firsts, and Finn tended to touch her gently and always with that boyish charm she’d loved. It had always felt good, but sometimes… sometimes Raven had wondered if there might be more to it, although she’d never have hurt Finn’s feelings by suggesting as much. To consider thinking about Finn seemed hugely inappropriate, for so many reasons she didn’t even want to get into, but that’s not what she wanted to do anyway. There was no reason to think of him.

 

She’d never considered kissing Murphy before, had been full of angry thoughts about him since he’d shot her, then had more than a few confusing feelings of understanding and empathy and a reluctant knowledge that there was a connection between them even if neither of them wanted it. But now that a kiss _had_ happened, it was about curiosity for only the first few moments of his lips on hers. After that, things had shifted and it was something else entirely. It was impossible to think of someone else because she didn’t _need_ to think of someone else. Murphy isn’t her friend, but he’s not exactly _not_ her friend either. They know each other. They’ve talked, they’ve argued, they’ve shared a hesitant bond, and Raven can’t deny she trusts him enough to let him be here with her while she’s vulnerable, to have even considered it in the first place. Where that came from… she’s still not sure, but there’s no question that it’s there. And now it’s shifted again into something… _more_ because he’s touched her so intimately and she’s fucking _gobsmacked_ over it and doesn’t want to be. Life is a lot simpler when she can just see Murphy as the guy she can get aggressive with who’ll take it because he understands it and recognizes it for what it is, rather than as the guy who confuses her into wondering about his motives and just how it is that he can make her body respond to him so fully.  

 

Lost in thoughts that might be better left alone, she moves her arm to rest it around his waist, and her musings are interrupted when she realizes her left arm and fingers have more mobility back in them again. She smiles, relieved that Abby was right about what to do, but she can’t quite move her legs just yet. Since she’s not exactly fully ‘fixed’, it doesn’t seem like the right time to tell Murphy that the hoped-for cure is working, and she’s sure he’ll start to figure it out now that she can touch him more easily. When he sucks her bottom lip into his mouth, she’s all too agreeable to abandon her worrisome thoughts and give herself back over to sensation, and he doesn’t disappoint as his hand lazily glides down, one long finger easing inside her at the same time his tongue slides into her mouth.

 

***************

 

“No...that’s too much, enough…” Raven weakly slaps Murphy’s hand away from between her legs, altogether overly sensitized and exhausted. She has no idea how much time has passed, but Murphy’s talented fingers combined with that damn mouth have stimulated her to orgasm so much that her body won’t stop trembling from aftershocks. Somewhere in that haze of pleasure, she started feeling her toes again, and since she can also feel the prickling of the shivers that wrack her body, she’s positive the numbness is gone from everywhere it should be. The sweat she’s covered in now has far more to do with exertion than anything else, and it’s at least a small consolation that Murphy’s just as drenched in it where he’s collapsed next to her, breathing heavily.  

 

“Come on,” he cajoles, nudging his chin against her shoulder, “that was nine. We only need one more.”

 

She musters enough effort to turn her head to look at him . “My god, Murphy. Have you been _counting_?”

 

“Well, yeah. Abby suggested ten, and I swear after all this effort I’m not getting this close only to have you give up.”

 

Raven stares at him, a flicker of admiration flashing through her as she tries to slow her heart rate. “I feel like I’ve melted into the blankets. How… how are you even functioning at this point?”

 

A low groan rumbles through him, and she’s a little alarmed that she finds it cute. “Sheer fucking obstinance, that’s how.”

 

“Huh.” She knows that’s not much of a response, but it’s hard to concentrate at the moment. She was tired before he even came into the tent, and now… now tired didn’t even begin to describe it. But she wasn’t going to let herself rest yet, because Murphy had seriously outdone himself and she knew it. Not that she thought he’d gotten _nothing_ out of it, because she didn’t think he could’ve faked that kind of enthusiasm, but he certainly hadn’t enjoyed himself the way _she_ had. It was actually really selfless of him to do all of this for her, whatever his motivations, and she pushed down the complicated ball of emotion that accompanied that thought and decided to unwrap it another day when she could focus. Instead, she lays there for a few more minutes until she feels like she can move again, and then wriggles down far enough to be level with Murphy. His eyes are half-closed but blink open to gaze back at her, and in spite of the darkness still around them, the intensity in them makes her flush.

 

“Since you’re keeping track,” Raven reaches her hands out and slides her palms up his stomach to his chest, gratified to hear him suck in a jittery breath, “you fixed the last of the numbness somewhere around seven. Everything past that is just showing off. But I can relate to having an objective.” She leans forward and kisses him, intent on showing her appreciation. She thinks maybe they’ll have to push themselves to be energetic this time, considering they were both worn out, but she’s wrong. When his hand grips her hair and holds her in place, kissing her back like he can’t get enough, another coil of heat starts low in her belly even though she thought she’d been at her limit. Wanting to go to sleep no longer seems like a priority she has any interest in. She doesn’t think it’s on his mind either, based on the way he angles his hips into hers, and she tears her mouth away to let out a gasp at how good it feels. He’d kept the lower half of his body away from hers when he’d touched her before, but now that she’s regained her ability to move, she grinds her pelvis against him, making them both groan.

 

Earlier, as amazing as Murphy had made her feel, it had all been something that had been happening _to_ her rather than something she was actively participating in. Her body couldn’t react the way she really wanted and she couldn’t touch with much dexterity. She’d felt safe with him but he had been in control, and even though he’d read her body signals so incredibly well, better than she could have imagined, she liked _this_ so much more - feeling unfettered, being able to move against him and use her hands. She tilts her head and kisses a sinuous pattern along his jawline to his ear, taking pleasure in the salty taste of his skin, hands touching everywhere they can reach. When she feels his fingers grip her hip tightly and a shudder runs through him as she nibbles his earlobe, it’s like a switch gets flicked and suddenly she’s out of patience for anything but the need to have him inside her.

 

Her hands scratch agilely down his sides to the waistband of his fitted shorts, pushing them carefully as far down as she can without taking her mouth away from the enticing spot near his ear. “Get these off,” she demands in a husky whisper, ever so lightly skimming a few fingers against the hard length of his cock, knowing he’s got to be frantic from wanting to come by now and not wanting to hurt him.

 

Swiftly and smoothly, he rolls her back underneath him and she can hear him grit his teeth as he encircles her wrist, halting her motions. “Are you sure?” he asks her, echoing what he’d said before they’d started this whole unbelievable situation, making her realize that he was still worried about taking any of this further than she wanted to go.

 

Later, she reminds herself, she’ll think about the complex reactions he stirs in her later. For now she lets her eyes meet his and hopes he’ll see she’s telling the truth. “I want to choose how I come this time, and I want it to be with you inside me.”

 

His eyes darken wickedly, sending a bolt of heat pulsating through her, and in record time he lifts away from her and gets his underwear off, sliding back between her legs and hovering above her. His lips capture hers again but this time it’s messier, a little more frenzied from both of them, wringing breathy little mewls from her throat. She hooks her right leg around his waist and his hand sneaks down between them, but she feels like she’s had hours of foreplay and she’s absolutely soaked already when his fingers dip between her folds, so she insistently bucks her hips up and thankfully he knows what she wants. He wraps his fingers around himself and rubs the head of his cock up and down her slit until she throws her head back with a loud moan at the sensations it ignites within her, desperate for more. Lining himself up, he pushes his hips forward, surging inside her with one slick thrust.

 

It’s so good she swears she’s seeing stars even with her eyes open, and her fingertips and the toes on her right foot are actually tingling from the electricity running through her veins at the feel of him, but his forehead drops to her neck and she can feel his lips move against her skin as the words are practically strangled out of him. “Fuck, don’t move, Raven.”

 

One hand on her hip to still her, she can tell he’s struggling not to let himself come, and as difficult as it is not to squirm closer, she’s trying to control herself because oh, she knows he deserves it but please, please not yet. She slides her hand to the back of his head, combing her fingers through the short hair there and hoping like hell that he’s got some kind of reserve of stubbornness left to draw upon because she doesn’t want to give this up.

 

Raven doesn’t have to wait too long, although it feels like forever before his pounding heartbeat slows where his chest is pressed against her breast, and his mouth finally starts to suck a wet trail up her neck. His hot breath against her ear makes her shiver, and she inadvertently tightens around him, making him growl low in his throat.

 

“You know that’s not gonna prolong this, right?” Murphy squeezes his palm a little harder, practically pushing her into the floor, but since his mouth is still near her ear it only induces another shiver and she does it again, straining against him as she starts to feel overcome with desire.

 

“Mmmphh,” she babbled, trying to angle her neck away from him. “I can’t help it if you keep _doing_ that!”

 

“Oh, so you _like_ that then?” he teases, only now he deliberately targets her ear and pairs it with a quick twist of his hips, driving himself further inside her before pulling back and thrusting forward again. Her breath hitches at how completely he fills her, wrapping herself around him as closely as she can get, arms encircling him, keeping up with his every stroke.

 

Not stopping his steady pace, he adjusts his position so he’s more centered over her and their eyes connect as he stares down fiercely at her. The eye contact makes her feel vulnerable and defenseless to his gaze but she can’t look away, the energy between them too strong. It heightens the pleasure coiling inside her and the needy little moans she’s been making start to get louder.

 

Murphy rakes a hand through the damp hair strewn over her shoulder, pushing it up so he cradles her head, his thumb stroking the spot right behind her ear and holding her in place so he can keep his eyes on hers. Raven bites her lip, her orgasm building low in her stomach, his cock making her burn with the way he pistons his hips and gets so deep.

 

“Yeah, you’re close now, aren’t you? You’re so hot and wet, clenching down so tight around me. Gonna make you come first ‘cause I want to feel it, I want to watch you lose control.” His voice is low, eyes filled with lust and his words send another bolt of heat rippling through her.

 

“Fuck, Murphy, please!” she begs him, and she’s overwhelmed with what he’s doing to her, it’s all too much and her body stiffens, back arching up off the blankets and ragged breath stuttering out in pants as she spasms around him with her eyes locked onto his, coming harder than she ever has before.

 

Urged on by her convulsions beneath him, he lifts her hips and fucks into her more wildly, seeking his own pleasure now that he’s met the goal he set for himself, and it’s hard and fast and when she feels that first twitch of his cock spurting deeply within her, it triggers another wave of white-hot sparks through her nerve endings. She barely managers to whimper his name before his mouth slants across her lips, silencing her and almost devouring her as his body jerks uncontrollably into hers and floods her with his come.

 

He’s got enough presence of mind to hook her leg high on his hip and use his weight to shift them both onto their sides instead of collapsing on top of her, and she’s shaking so powerfully he clutches blindly for a blanket and pulls it over them. His softened cock slides out of her with the movement, accompanied by a rush of fluid, and she winces a little at the sticky mess between her legs. She wants to grab the cloth she used earlier to at least attempt to clean herself up, but she doesn’t have the energy to do anything but let the idea flit through her head and then dismiss it. Instead she lets her eyes flutter shut and she surrenders to the boneless sensations drifting through her, and she’s asleep in moments.

 

***************

 

It’s ironic, considering this whole scenario started due to the numbness in Raven’s limbs, but Murphy can’t deny he’s feeling rather dazed himself now that it’s all over. Delaying his own release for so long resulted in the most mind-blowing orgasm he’s ever experienced, and in spite of the exhaustion he feels, he’s a little too rattled to fall asleep right away, like Raven did laying next to him. His eyes roam over her relaxed face, feeling rather arrogant that she hadn’t managed to mutter a single word after she’d come for the _eleventh_ time, since apparently one had snuck in there right at the end, but he’d definitely noticed.

 

Obviously he’d never been in a situation like this before, hadn’t ever had to draw out sex and make it last and not be selfish about it, and of course it fucking figures that this has probably gone and ruined him completely for anything else from here on out. But it’s easier to consider the _what_ rather than the _who_ , because if it turns out the way he’s feeling right now has more to do with the partner than the deliberately prolonged sex, then he’s really in trouble. As his gaze takes in her kiss-swollen lips and he remembers the way her brown eyes had darkened and clouded over as he’d buried himself inside her, though, and the way she’d made him wait but finally gasped his name, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out he’s deep into the fucking complicated territory he was afraid of.

 

Sighing, he decides he’ll give himself an hour to lay next to her before he leaves the tent and tries to shut the entire experience into a locked box he’ll just force himself to forget about. He pulls the blanket higher across her shoulder and tucks it over the bare leg alongside him, and then he closes his eyes and lets himself rest.

 

***************

 

When Raven wakes up, the first thing she sees is a neat stack of her folded clothes next to where she slept. Beside it is her brace, a canteen of water and two of the cloths. She turns to look behind her, but Murphy is gone and the blankets where he had lain were folded up too. Rolling to her back, she rubs her eyes and takes stock of her body. She’s sore, everywhere, but if the alternative were to feel nothing, she’ll gladly put up with some physical pain as the trade-off.

 

Pushing herself to a sitting position, she starts the process of cleaning up and getting dressed. Taking in a shaky breath, she scrubs the wet rag between her legs and sets her jaw, determined not to think about anything that happened the night before. She’s successful at her mindless focus until she’s lacing up her boots, when suddenly the emotional weight of it all takes its toll and she rests her head on her knee and starts to cry. She’s in the middle of it when the tent flap opens and Abby crawls inside.

 

“Raven, good, you’re awake. I was just coming to check on you.” Abby looks up and Raven quickly presses her hands to her eyes, wiping away her tears and sniffing. “Oh, Raven, are you okay? Are you… is this about last  night?” Abby moves towards her, concerned gaze flitting over her body. “John would only say it worked, nothing else when I saw him earlier. He didn’t do anything… you’re not hurt, are you?”

 

“No, no. He didn’t do anything wrong! I’m just… feeling a little overwhelmed, I guess.” Raven offers her a small smile, trying to pull herself together. “And you were right, it did work. I can move everything that should move, and most of the pain I’m in is more to do with the knife wounds than anything else.”

 

Abby looks at her expectantly. “I’m here if you want to talk about it, alright?”

 

“Yeah, I know. Maybe some other time?” Raven pleads.

 

“Of course… listen, Kane slept all night so he doesn’t know anything about what happened. We’re all just having some berries before we start the hike back, so if you think you’re ready, we’ll leave soon. I’m not going to push, but in case this kind of thing happens to anyone else who gets injured from a Grounder knife, can you tell me just a few things? Was there a point where you felt like our… solution… started to work? And did it all happen at once or was it gradual? I’m sorry to ask about it if you’re uncomfortable.”

 

Raven ties her laces and takes a drink of water. “No, it’s okay. You need to know this part in case it does ever happen to someone else. It was definitely gradual. I noticed I had more mobility in my fingers and arms after, well, after number four. But no change in my legs then.” She fiddles with the canteen cap in order not to have to meet Abby’s eyes. “Somewhere around seven, I feel like that’s when I could feel my toes again.”

 

“I see, thank you. I overestimated a little, then.” Abby’s eyes crinkle as she reconsiders. “I appreciate being able to have at least a ballpark, although I’m going to be getting more details about this poison so we can conduct actual tests back at Camp Jaha. Hopefully we won’t face this again, but if so, at least we have an option.”

 

“Well… oh, this is so awkward, I’m just going to say it.” Raven lets out a big sigh. “Just so you know for your damn research purposes, I came eleven times and I feel perfectly fine now. Seven, eight and nine were so close together it might be hard to say for sure exactly what kicked in when. But before ten I felt a lot better.”

 

Abby blinks at her, eyebrows raised and with wide eyes. “Okay. That’s… uh, that’s good to know.” She clears her throat and grabs the folded stack of blankets next to Raven. “I’ll just take these and put them in my pack. You just join us when you’re ready.” She turns to exit the tent, clearly disconcerted and Raven almost grins, amused. “Oh! Unless you need me to check your injuries?” Abby spins back around, head tilted in inquiry.

 

Raven shakes her head. “No. I’m sore but not bleeding. I’ll let you know if anything changes during the hike, but they should be fine for now.”

 

Nodding, Abby grabs the blankets and heads back down to the fire, and Raven sits in silence for a few moments after she leaves. She’s glad it’s going to be a long walk back to camp, because she has a lot of thinking to do, whether she’s ready for it or not. She takes a deep breath and walks towards the others, already determined not to treat Murphy any differently than before, even if 'gobsmacked' is still echoing through her head as the only way to describe how she's still feeling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In a couple of my stories, I'm intrigued by the idea of continuing the story line where I leave off, because so many new & different situations could come about by what I put this couple through in an earlier timeline. So I'm not saying no to adding another part to this since I already feel like I know what happens next... but I've gotta do my S6 spec WIP first, so I'm not making any promises. 
> 
> FYI - I am not a medical doctor and neither is Abby Griffin. I'm only *basing* this on science, so if you should ever find yourself poisoned, please seek actual medical assistance. Although if Raven and Murphy are around, I cannot in good conscience suggest that you don't at least TRY to convince them this could work.
> 
> Check me out on tumblr at easilydistractedbyfanfic if you like Murven too because I never have enough people to dissect these characters with. Hope you enjoyed this one!


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